Levels of Politeness

I have had a week when all I want to do is use expletives. No it is not kind but boy it seems necessary sometimes! The strange thing is that my levels of politeness do not enable me to swear 'willy nilly' at random strangers, even if they are walking along the cycle path with headphones on and not reacting to my cycle bell and then they give me evils when I swerve to get around them or more annoyingly when British Airways are so incompetent it beggars belief. So why can I not swear at people? The answer is that if I did I would be seen to be at fault. Oh, the irony! Why do we have expletives if it is not OK to use them? Of course, it would be more or less acceptable to shout a certain word aloud if I accidentally stubbed my toe but in that case I would be swearing at an inanimate object and not an imbecile, unless said imbecile got in the way of my toe. Surely, some of the most creative and explosive words in the English language are not just in existence to be screamed at objects, although I can generally see the benefit of a barrage of abuse being hurled regularly at this laptop in front of me as it strives to find the Internet or refuses to follow a simple request.

Don't get me wrong I do swear. I often replace the modifier 'very' with a stronger 'fucking', as in 'fucking amazing' or even 'fucking awesome'. Even if those in earshot are offended it seems pretty obvious that my intention is not to insult, in fact it is the complete opposite.

Of course, there are a few words which are completely socially unacceptable and as far as I can see they all relate to females or more specifically female parts. I am female so surely I should be able to decide whether such language is in my repertoire but in most cases even I have the sense not to drop the 'c' word, well not often. I have been caught out in the past by using the similar 't' word which seems to be more offensive in the North than the South.

Ironically, although old and grumpy I still have the sense to know my audience and depending on context how they will react to my foul language. The thing to learn is how to use boring everyday words which seem mundane but to deliver them with the power of expletives. It may cause misunderstandings but it will make you feel better. The alternative of course is to swear behind people's backs, but what fun is that!